Killing and Maiming Therapy



A friend of mine (nicknamed "DOH!) complained in an email the other day:

       "All is really right with the world except that I don't have any motorcycle time to blow the nasty shit  out from between the ears. I have really nasty shitty thoughts creeping into my small, low-brow cranium. Killing, hurting, maiming, you know, the normal bad thoughts. I love you all want to see you all someday. Please think good shit my way, OK?"

Heya Doh! Here's a ritual you might try the next time you're having thoughts about killing, hurting and maiming, it's just a thought but I think it might work.


Find a comfortable, straight-backed chair, and sit in it at the dining table. The chair should be softly cushioned, for the key to this exercise is total relaxation.

Light a candle, or better yet, two (for cosmic balance) and place them on the table in front of you, one on each side. Tapers are nice. When choosing candles, select a neutral, calming color. Not red, obviously, but not a cold green or blue, either. A soft ivory is a good, warm, neutral choice.

Put on some mood music. Yanni, or maybe something in a string quartet. Soothing background sounds will also work, gentle ocean or forest noises, perhaps. Whatever you find that soothes your own savage breast and calms your inner being, this is what you want to listen to. Don't turn it up too loud -- remember, relaxation.

OK, once you're set up, sit in the chair, back straight, and close your eyes. Put your forearms on the table, not crossed, with your palms flat on the table, fingers loosely spread. Feel the pure white energy coursing through your arms to your fingertips, and let it comfort your essence. Take a number of deep, cleansing breaths out... in... out... Deep...cleansing...breaths.
Relax your hands and arms and shoulders. Eyes closed, breathe...breathe...breathe...hands totally, soothing...candles, flickering...relaxed...relaxed...relaxed...

Now WHACK! Cut off the thumb and forefinger of your left hand with a dull machete.

OH, I forgot, that's right, you need a dull machete for this. Strike hard, you don't want to have to whack the fucking thing twice. There. That's what maiming and hurting is all about.


Hope this helps.